“Are you trying to tell me that a girl sucking blood from a man’s neck can induce an orgasm?”

There are some films that are just beyond description. Say hello to Incense For The Damned (or Bloodsuckers). What on earth it's about is anyone's guess.

What we do know is it's hilarious. The hero, a private eye hired to find Peter Cushing's son (Patrick Mower) tries to keep us updated on what's going on with his comical voiceovers, and then we've got other actors speaking their lines like they're reading them over the shoulders of their co-stars, or just making them up as they go along. 

Our hero follows the trail to a Greek island, where he meets up with Patrick MacNee (lending the film some gravitas, but not much). It turns out his target has only gone and got himself involved with the local vampires - in particular a local sex bomb named Chriesis (Imogen Hassall), who is exerting some kind of power over him. 

There's a couple of deaths and then Mower is eventually coaxed back to England, where he promptly rips his girlfriend's throat out with his teeth (like you do). Watching this is quite a bizarre experience. It's obviously been cut to pieces - people appear and disappear with little or no explanation, and there doesn't seem to be a great deal of point to anything anyone does.

At one point there's a drug fuelled orgy that seems to have been bunged in at the last minute. There's also plenty of comedy fights, possibly the most annoying character to appear in a British Horror Film in the form of Mower's girlfriend, and a vaguely homosexual sub-plot that fizzles out somewhere near the middle of the film.