“Connection has succeeded and quite satisfactory. We can now proceed with the next part of our plan.”

After shooting stars (“a whole flock of them!”) crash land in V-formation down Cornwall way, we move to what might be the funkiest-looking laboratory yet seen on screen. Here we find Dr Curtis Temple (Robert Hutton) and his crack team of feisty scientists – Alan Mullane (Hedger Wallace), and Lee Mason (Jennifer Jayne).

They are informed of the meteor strike, but Temple dismisses this news.

“What does the fall of meteors mean to me? I am only interested in life on other planets!”

But he is talked into going to see the crash site, then talked out of it, as his doctor explains that he can’t travel due to him recovering from a recent car accident (that we haven’t seen), which has left Temple with a metal plate in his head. I wonder, will this strange nugget of information be useful later on?

Before you can say “probably yes”, Alan and Lee are sent off to investigate, leaving Temple home alone.

As is always the case in these things (and trust me, I’ve seen a fair few by now), the crash site for these extra-terrestrial oddities is now made completely safe by the introduction of a bit of rope and a single police officer. Because there’s obviously no chance of anything dangerous happening, unless someone decides to take a hammer and chisel to the strangely shaped lumps of alien rock. But that’ll never happen. Hang on, Lee… what are you doing?

Yes, the chisel’s come out and in a sudden explosion of multi-coloured not-so special effects, all the people in the immediate area, including Alan and Lee, are taken over by some sort of alien presence (which I’m betting came from beyond space).

“Connection has succeeded and quite satisfactory. We can now proceed with the next part of our plan.”

Refreshingly, the aliens’ plan appears to be to fraudulently withdraw one million pounds from the local bank. Which is a novel approach to alien invasion as well as showing a remarkable understanding of the British financial system (if not the limitations of local banks in the 1960s).

Another step in their nefarious, and somewhat underwhelming, plan is to get a-hold of Temple. But due to the metal plate in his head (aha!) he’s not for turning. Finally deciding to ignore doctor’s advice, he jumps in his vintage Bentley and guns it to Cornwall.

Back at the crash site things have moved on somewhat. There are armed guards and all kinds of random activity going on.

And quite endearingly, although the aliens have erected electric fences, they’ve thoughtfully added lots of warning signs. Temple gets past the armed guards by the simple expedient of threatening to ram the gate (no, I don’t get it either). Inside, he meets up with the taken-over Lee, who wastes no time in blasting him with some kind of hand-held death ray.

Waking up back on the outskirts of the village (perhaps it wasn’t a death ray as such) he meets Stilwell from internal security (Maurice Goode), who has been investigating the strange goings-on. But then when Stilwell goes to use a phone box, he develops a rash and falls down dead (eg he is no longer “still well”, Ithankyew), the symptoms immediately spreading to the crowd that have gathered around his prostrate body.

Next thing we know the TV news is reporting that the village is ravaged by “The Crimson Plague”, genuine TV news guy Kenneth Kendall wandering around the plague-ridden place like he just does not give a shit.

No-one seems to be at all bothered that Temple might well be Patient Zero, either – he continues his investigations, now spotting rocket launches from the crash site (heading for the moon, of all places), and then finding an incongruous lift shaft built into a wrecked farmhouse. After an unnecessarily long fight with some guards, he takes the elevator into some kind of underground alien bunker, where he is discovered by a guard who looks remarkably liked the recently deceased Stilwell (so he is “still well” after all, yes I’m here all week).

After finding frozen human bodies destined for space, he’s discovered again, and shot again. This time waking up in an alien cell (complete with a sink that operates without touching it! Imagine that, if you can).

Temple is then informed that the aliens are packing up the plague victims and sending them into space so they don’t infect the rest of the earth. But he doesn’t believe that bollocks, and proceeds to escape (again) and punch out everyone he meets (again).

By this point in the so-called narrative, no-one has any idea what the bloody hell is going on. No-one, that is, apart from Temple, who somehow has got it all figured out. He enlists the help of fellow scientist and trophy enthusiast Farge (Zia Mohyeddin), and they science-up some devices to use against the alien fiends. Kudos to the filmmakers here for upping the diversity quotient from zero to one here (which let’s face it, is one more than any other British horror film from this period). But then immediate un-kudos for the point when we find out that Temple tested out his new weapons first on animals, and then on his (clearly disposable) brown friend.

They now have the truly cheap-looking alien-proof headgear, alien-spotting goggles and de-aliening zappers, so the game’s afoot and it’s time to take the fight to the invaders right in the heart of their operation – the next rocket primed to take off for the moon. A rocket whose interior is clearly made out of painted plywood.

Things don’t quite go as planned and everyone actually ends up on the moon, where Michael Gough pops up and gives a lengthy speech which somehow manages to both explain everything and infuriate the viewer at the same time. Then Temple makes a promise on everyone’s behalf (yours included) and that’s it. The End.

I’m not going to lie here, They Came From Beyond Space isn’t very good. It’s not even any good when compared to other budgetless alien invasion stories on this website (of which there are many, let me tell you). It is remarkably reminiscent of an episode of Doctor Who of the time, and looks like it had a similar amount of money spent on it. So if that’s your thang, knock yourself out. But if you’re looking for something that at least makes sense and offers a satisfying conclusion, you’d be best not looking any further than space (eg not beyond it) to find it.