“Get the police! She's keeping us prisoner! She wants to cook us - and eat us!”

I’ll hold my hands up on this one – I’d always discounted it as sounding a bit stupid. Something about the question in the title put me off (much, it has to be said, like the recently-reviewed What Became Of Jack And Jill?).

Turns out the two films have a nursery rhyme / fairy story connection, but whereas Jack And Jill was pretty much what I expected, Auntie Roo has been a surprise treat to finally discover.

I may have just missed it, but I’m not aware of this film getting any airing on British TV. It’s certainly not in the public consciousness like many Brit horrors. But it’s also not hard to see why. It has the aesthetic of an early 70s children’s film (think Amazing Mr Blunden) but also dabbles in themes of mental illness, the occult, child cruelty and murder. The ending is remarkably amoral, considering at the beginning you’re thinking – “hey, this might be Chitty Chitty Bang Bang meets Oliver!”, and then you’re thinking “hang on, is this a Christmas film?” (yes, it is as it happens… although it’s unlikely to appear on a Sunday afternoon on Channel 5 like the rest of ‘em).

But its tonal inconsistency only adds to its charm… and if you’re looking for a Christmassy British horror film that will unsettle the kids without traumatising them for life, Roo could be just what you’re looking for. On with the bad jokes related to the film’s title, then… let’s start the rooview!

A woman is singing a lullaby to her daughter, suddenly revealed – crash zoom! – as a desiccated corpse (an excellent jump-scare, better done here than in many more well-regarded horrors). Who is this mad woman, who believes this mummified child is still alive? Why it’s none other than Mrs Forrest (Shelley Winters), the American widow living in the big house who every year invites children from the local orphanage to spend Christmas with her, that’s who (or, if yopu prefer, Roo).

It turns out that Forrest does actually acknowledge her daughter Catherine is dead, though… as she holds seances to try and speak to her. To do this she brings in drunken medium Benton (Ralph Richardson), who appears to have some success. The girl’s voice drifts into the room as he makes contact, although remaining out-of-reach to her mother, who is desperate for forgiveness for some yet-to-be revealed mistake.

Could she be responsible for her daughter’s death? Is that a real ghost? Why does she prefer to be called “Roo”? Just because it rhymes with “slew”? Or simply because she kan(ga)? Some of these questions will be answered over the next 90 minutes.

Over at the orphanage we’re introduced to Christopher (Mark Lester, still wondering “whe-e-e-e-e-re is love?”) and Katy (Chloe “go-to early 70s Brit horror spooky child” Franks), orphaned brother-and-sister. As the clued-up audience notices the similarities between alive Katy and dead Catherine (oh-oh), plans are afoot to name the 10 lucky orphans who get to enjoy Christmas at the Forrest mansion. Because not all the poor kids can have a nice Christmas, oh no. Only the “good” ones.

And although everyone likes Katy, she comes as a package with her older brother, who can be a bit spikey and has a reputation for letting his imagination get the better of him (scaring the other kids with amped-up fairy tales). Because of this, the pair AREN’T picked, but in classic kids’ film style they sneak along anyway.

Mrs Forrest is an enigma to the other characters as well as us, but luckily Lionel Jeffries is on hand as the friendly Inspector Willoughby. As he drives the kids to the Forrest home, he explains to the kindly nurse from the orphanage how Catherine disappeared long ago and was never found (although not why the police see fit to every Christmas bring 10 children to the home of the prime suspect in a missing child case… different times).

Once at the Forrest house the kids are greeted by Mrs Forrest, who insists they call her “Auntie Roo” (because she’s good at boxing? Because she self-medicates on cheap lager? Because she carries her young in a makeshift pouch? Sadly we’ll never know).

Christopher and Katy are caught by Roo’s weirdly nasty butler, Albie (Michael Gothard), who threatens them with a knife (Roo: “That’s not a knife…” no, this didn’t actually happen – I’m just expanding on the hilarious kangaroo /Australia jokes. Don’t worry, this is unlikely to be the last one) before bringing them into the party, where Roo takes pity on them and invites them to stay (“Can we stay?” / “Of course you kanga.”)

Roo then tells the kids her story, but when asked if her husband, a stage magician, is dead she replies “yes… no… he’s gone to the other side of the mirror”. Katy then decided to slide down the banister, which prompts a dream-like flashback of Roo’s daughter Catherine falling off the self-same banister and apparently dying.

It’s at this point the audience starts to think “what is this?”, because the film has become a weird mix of children’s film, psycho thriller and ghost story.

With the children asleep upstairs, Roo brings in Benton for another séance, and while Katy is awoken and drawn to the calls for “Catherine”, her brother discovers the truth behind “Catherine’s” voice (clue: it’s not a ghost).

The next morning is a snowy Christmas morning, and as the children go nuts for the nuts and get wound-up by the clockwork toys, Roo gives Christopher the best present of all – she’s going to adopt his sister (but not, it seems, him – season’s greetings!).

Clearly considering themselves above the snowballs and other assorted frozen water shenanigans occupying the other children, Christopher and Katy slip away to explore Roo’s out(back)buildings.

(She’s not Australian… I have no idea where I’m going with this)

This leads them to Colonel Forrest’s magic equipment, and Christopher wastes no time at all in scaring his sister shitless and then very nearly guillotining her head off. Just in case there’s anything left in her bowels, Albie the butler then joins in and chases them both off… into something equally terrifying, as Aunty Roo is ruining the Xmas atmos with that perennial child-pleaser, a Gilbert and Sullivan recital.

Continuing to stick his nose in where it’s not required, Christopher next spies on Roo during her evening chat to Catherine’s desiccated corpse. And the next day (Boxing Day, as it happens… insert your own kangaroo joke here, I’m sure I’ll think one up for the “films” page), Katy has disappeared…

Christopher now desperately tries to convince the adults that Roo has kidnapped his sister, but his reputation for being economical with the truth means he doesn’t have any success – and anyway, Roo is busy sacking her staff (who to be honest aren’t exactly grade A material). Christopher is also now convinced he’s in a Hansel and Gretel situation and that Roo is a witch.

Things take a turn for the serious as Roo’s world begins to fall apart, and she fixates on the children as being her salvation. (“You children don’t want to leave here! You have a home now! Forever!”)

What would a British horror film be without a flaming climax? The Blood Beast Terror, that’s what – but luckily this is no Blood Beast Terror and things get suitably flamey in a particularly grim ending when we find out who (if anyone) slew Auntie Roo.

All the stupid kangaroo jokes (hey, it’s a living) may have given you the impression I didn’t like this film… but that’s not the case, dear reader. Whoever Slew Aunty Roo is a hidden gem in the world of Brit horror. Scary enough to hold adult interest, with some great supporting roles from British horror stalwarts (Ralph Richardson and Michael Gothard) and a surprisingly strong turn from the obligatory faded American female star (Shelley Winters is no Joan Crawford, that’s for sure), it really should be on any self-respecting Brit horror fan’s Christmas list.